COATTAILS

I caused an accident today. I bought new tires.

I bought the new tires several weeks ago. They are not quite as nice (expensive) as the old tires. The old tires were: RAIN TIRES. And so I have been wondering if my new tires would stop as well in the rain as the old tires, which actually did not stop very well in the rain at all. They tended to skid if the road was the slightest bit damp. They did tend to hug the road pretty well at hiway speeds, I’ll give them that much.

So what a break! Today it was raining cats and dogs and a few toads as I was on my way to work train number 355, my regular assignment. I was in the left hand lane northbound on Woodward avenue. Michigan State Highway number ONE, that avenue of teenage drag races many years ago. '53  ,  Big Olds  These days, I drive much more sedately. In those days Woodward was three lanes in both directions, with a large centre median or avenue. Today it features four lanes in both directions, still has a large avenue, and now also offers swell ‘turnarounds’ for left hand turns. In other words one must drive PAST their exit and then GO BACK a ways and then turn right onto their desired street. No more turning left onto ones very own street, as that would mean trying to traverse Woodward’s entire four lanes, a difficult task in the best of times. In fact, usually these turnarounds are strategically placed so that there is no street across from the turnaround itself.

I wanted to test my new tires, as I mentioned. I got that chance while driving through trendy upscale Birmingham town when a light turned yellow and the car in front of me decided to slam on their brakes and stop, when they could EASILY have made the intersection. But that is their prerogative, slamming on the brakes on a rainy day for little good reason in rush hour traffic. It is trendy Birmingham, after all. I realised immediately that this was the moment I had been waiting for! A chance to really stop in a hurry. Or crash.

I applied steady and heavy pressure to the brake pedal and I was stopping in plenty of time. In fact, I noticed a car in the left hand turnaround and decided to see if I could be a polite motorist and stop short so that they could turn onto Woodward in front of me. I even had time to look in the rear-view and ascertain that the car behind ME was well back, and not apt to plow into my rear end. And I did stop short, with no skidding. Great tires.

However, the lady driving the car that I had stopped short to let out to make her left turn, didn't want to turn left at all. She wanted to go all the way across Woodward. As it happened, there WAS a street over there, even though there usually isn’t. But this is trendy Birmingham, after all. Now, one would think that during rush hour on Woodward avenue the thing to do would be to continue on to the next turnaround PAST ones street, and come back and turn right, as expected. But, this is trendy Birmingham, after all. Perhaps those in trendy Birmingham just figure they can somehow get across all four lanes of Woodward avenue at rush hour without the nuisance of going past and coming back, and all that other time consuming stuff. And, I was helping her out, as it were, by stopping short to let her into the northbound lanes. Of course, in my defence I did think she would merely be turning left.

Fortunately for her the guy next to me, perhaps noticing that I was stopping abruptly, also stopped short. He had great tires too. So she could and did pull right in front of both my car, and his. And this was probably the first clue anyone had that she did not intend to simply turn left onto Woodward. However, the guy in the third lane was in her way. So she proceeded to honk at him. Not once, but several times. This struck me as odd, since there was no where for the poor fellow to go, since another car was on his rear bumper. But he dutifully looked back over his shoulder, gave a ‘what can you do?’ shrug to the car behind him, and got THAT guy to back up a few feet, and then backed up a few feet himself, letting this rather presumptuous lady gain access to the third lane.

Now. Here is the funny part.

There was another car in the left hand turnaround lane behind the lady whose pushy ways we have been discussing. He was driving a spanking brand new Lincoln Town car. Bright green. Shiny. And what do you think he decided to do? That’s right, he decided to ride her coattails right across Woodward avenue at rush hour. I guess you can do that in trendy Birmingham. As she pulled in front of me, he came sneaking along right on her bumper. And when the guy in the third lane backed up under the pressure of repeated horn honking and let the lady into that lane, this guy crept along right after her like a caboose at the end of a train.

Most folks would not attempt to cross four lanes of Woodward at rush hour. They would continue on past their street, turn around and come back, one would think. So consider the plight of another driver on Woodward, a driver we have not thought about as yet. This fellow, driving a spanking brand new Lincoln Navigator was going the same direction as I was on Woodward, but in the far right hand lane. All that had transpired so far was completely unknown to this new addition to our story. He was simply cruising towards a red light, and playing the lights pretty well, too. He seemed to know that this light was about ready to go green, and his lane was clear. At least at that moment. He maintained track speed, as it were.

Back to our determined lady. She nosed out into the fourth and final lane and was no doubt pretty surprised to see a brand spanking new Lincoln Navigator bearing down on her and about ready to amputate her entire front clip. To her credit she thought pretty fast about things and floored it, and just did make it to safety before the guy in the Navigater even had time to be surprised, though I bet his eyes widened a bit.

The guy that must have been really surprised was the guy slipping along on the lady’s coattails in his brand new Lincoln, who now also thought he better make haste across that fourth lane. He popped out in front of a Lincoln navigator doing track speed on a green light.

BLAM!

I heard the awful crash, and was looking at fenders and bumpers pointing skyward as I went on my merry way, with a vaguely unsettled feeling in my gut that I had somehow precipitated this awful mess by testing my new tires in the rain. But I guess that sometimes happens, at least in trendy Birmingham.